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A principle about this is re-creation causes erasure. You must have really been scared.” If you want to speak to somebody and you want them to hear you, you have to validate their feelings first so that the feeling goes away, and then they can hear what you have to say. It allows them to get rid of the feeling and then re-look at the circumstances of the situation and reassess because they’re no longer stuck with that feeling.When you validate somebody’s feelings, they feel seen and heard, and in my experience, that’s what people really want. They have the ability to reassess the situation so they can learn and grow.If you can put yourself in your daughter’s shoes, for example, you may feel more calm and able to validate more easily.Educate yourself about Dialectical Behavior Therapy and emotional dysregulation in order to provide a more validating environment.They react to events quickly and with a great deal of emotion.Consider a parent or friend who does not understand this type of reaction; knowing what to say or do in a moment of crisis will be very difficult.Invalidation often occurs as a result of frustration and the lack of tools necessary to effectively communicate with these individuals.
I’m going to talk about a way for you to never have to ever feel that way again or make anybody else feel that way again.Your feelings are just temporary emotions that you’re having in the moment.When you share a feeling with somebody, what you want is for them to get “this is how I feel.” Imagine you tell somebody, “I’m really scared,” and they look at you and they say, “Oh, you shouldn’t be scared. Now, imagine you’re telling somebody something that happened, and you’re telling them how scared you were and they look at you and they say, “Wow. I got it.” Can you see the difference in how you felt? When you don’t validate somebody’s feelings, they can’t even hear what you’re saying because they’re so stuck in that feeling because it hasn’t been gotten. The feeling disappears, which is what happened when somebody said to you, “Wow.Emotional dysregulation occurs among patients of all ages and with a wide variety of psychiatric disorders but is most commonly seen in patients diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.Due to the high emotional sensitivity of these patients, communicating with them in an effective manner is critical.
Emotional vulnerability is a combination of high sensitivity to emotional stimuli, intense emotional responses, and a slow return to baseline (Miller, Rathus & Linehan, 2007).