That’s what the dating apps were for me — a way to distract myself from being alone.
Because the more men I had in my life, no matter how fleeting they were, the more I was able to trick myself into feeling less alone.
This was also, unsurprisingly, around the time I landed in therapy for anxiety.
I was desperately unhappy, and was convinced that a relationship would fix everything that was going on in my brain.
Luckily, I eventually realized that there's no "right" way to date, and that I need to find happiness within myself, no partner needed.
It’s Not You is where I write to calm the voices in my head — and hear from all of you.
It gave me time to be alone and to realize the slow way is the better way — for me, at least.
And while I have no way of knowing how the next few months are going to go, I do know one thing for certain: I’m okay, even without the dating apps. After being raised on a steady diet of Disney movies, I expected to meet someone and fall passionately in love — but wound up collapsing under the pressures of modern dating.
After a few months, I re-downloaded Bumble and met a guy who said he wanted a relationship.
And once I started talking to them, I’d stop swiping.
It was a complete 180 from what I used to do — swiping until my fingers burned.
And then around September of last year, I hit a wall.
I had been going through a revolving door of men, and it wasn’t getting me any closer to finding what I really wanted. One by one, I deleted my profiles from the half-dozen apps on my i Phone screen, and then deleted the apps themselves. I had so much free time now that I wasn’t forcing myself to go on dates on random Wednesday nights.