Accomodating family

Posted by / 22-Apr-2020 15:02

Accomodating family

or compulsions can clearly be pinpointed as harmful — to themselves, to their partner, and/or to the relationship or family generally — then such behavior, once identified as dysfunctional, should be accommodated.If the couple is to achieve the desired outcome, then the “erring” party must, however cautiously, be confronted.Effectively doing so will lead both parties to experience a win, though obviously the party needing to change is likely to face a tougher struggle.As I repeatedly stress to clients, change — even small change — can be difficult, because initially it pulls us outside our comfort zone, and so engenders anxiety.When his wife tries to explain its abusive effect on her and the children, he responds: “That’s just the way I am.Why do you all have to be so it’s in his genes or in his (irreparable) conditioning, and therefore that it ought to be accommodated.

Yes, you’d love to get a cat — you’ve had one — but your mate is allergic to them.But, in fact, this well-entrenched “habit” of anger reflects powerful, dysfunctional environmental influences on his development. Counseling would then, as concretely as possible, show him how his poorly managed anger has elevated his stress level and compromised his relationships.And also that he’d be a lot happier if he could deal with his frustration in ways other than flying off the handle and intimidating, or alienating, those around him.So this is just one of many areas where the problem must be confronted.Accommodating it, especially when it’s something that over time is remediable, makes neither practical nor psychological sense.

accomodating family-46accomodating family-58accomodating family-83

It’s all a matter of helping him become more motivated to work on what he finally must admit hasn’t served him very well.